Context: Nyaruko ニャル子 and Hasuta ハスタ fight over the protagonist's love.
Mahiro-san wa kono watashi ga saki ni tsuba tsuketa-n-desu-kara ne 真尋さんは この私が先にツバ つけたんですからね I called dibs on Mahiro-san first, you see.
tsuba wo tsukeru ツバを付ける To put spit on [something.] (literally.) To call dibs on. (because other people won't eat something you already put your spit on.)
mashite kare wa Bi-Eru-taipu janai-n-desu まして彼は ＢＬタイプじゃないんです Plus he's not a BL-type. (i.e. he's not gay.)
kare no go-rippa-na samurai-soodo ni tsuranukareru nowa kono watashi nan-desuu 彼のご立派な サムライソードに 貫かれるのはこの 私なんですぅ！！ The one to be pierced by his incredible samurai sword will be me.
I'm not even joking, this is literally what's written there.
hayai mono kachi toka nai mon はやいもの勝ちとか ないもん It's not something like the fastest one wins.
ren'ai ni ruuru nante nai-n-da yo 恋愛にルールなんて ないんだよ There's no such thing as rules when it comes to romance.
bo boku datte ma Mahiro-kun to ... sono... ga'... gattai shitai-n-da mon......!! ぼ ぼくだって ま まひろくんと ･･･その･･･がっ･･･ がったいしたいんだ もん･･････！！ With M-Mahiro-kun e-even I want to... ...erm... co... combine......!!
gattai 合体 To combine and become one. (e.g. giant robots.) To have sex with. (innuendo in anime.)
